have you ever?

i am a blog neglecter...which i guess is better than a child neglecter.

the first couple months of new baby are the best because sweet little newborns love to sleep the day away (which makes it easy for me to blog) but my sweet, sleepy baby has turned into my sweet, not-so-sleepy baby. and my other baby (you know, the older one) has decided not to sleep at all during the day. so you can see why i have been neglectful of this blog...

but i swear to do better. and starting today i will be sending little snippets your way via this blog with my "have you ever" series. to start us off, here are few "have you ever's" that describe life a little bit. well life for me at least.

have you ever been sneezed on by a baby whose mouth is full of baby food?

or how 'bout this...

have you ever been sneezed on (after you have showered and dressed and put on makeup and done your hair) by a baby whose mouth if full of baby food?

or

have you ever been to the mall during busy christmas hours to see santa with three kids in tow?

or

have you ever planned a date night and secured a babysitter, only to end up going to costco to get some grocery shopping done sans children?

life is a little crazy right now. there is lots going on and i think i prefer it that way. but...

have you ever wished that you didn't need sleep so that you could get more crap done during the hours that your kids are being sleepy instead of needy?

me too.

gimme a break

before i start i have to say that i love my kids a whole lot. i mean, a whole lot. they make me smile every day and i am glad they are mine. okay...

i can't even tell you how often i read blogs about how perfect peoples' lives are. how they love life more and more each day and then on days that they don't love life they say they wouldn't have it any other way.

today never had a chance. it always ruins my saturday to find out that my husband has to work. today i played with kids, cleaned house, picked up toys (multiple times), read kids books, watched kids shows, made snacks and lunches and fed babies (multiple times, multiple babies), stopped kids from fighting, changed a gazillion diapers, etc. etc. etc. this is the spot in the blog where i am supposed to say, even though today was a hard day, i wouldn't have it any other way.

today was not that day for me. there were plenty of "other ways" i would have preferred to spend the day....like reading a good book, or shopping for clothes or fabric or nothing at all, or having my hubby here to tag team the kids with me, or taking a nap {aahhhhh, naps!}...today i just needed a break.

lucky for me that break came in the form of a football game. my sister came over to babysit and corey and i got to go to the byu game. i sat numb through most of the game: just happy that nobody was sitting on top of me, and that no one was crying in my ear, or that no one needed me to hold them and bounce all. the. time. at one point i even said to corey, "hey, when did the other team score again? i didn't even notice." i kept wondering if those sitting around me would think ill of me if i just slouched down in my seat and fell asleep for a quarter or so.

it was a good break. i felt a little rejuvenated when i got home. happy to see my kids and happy to see that my little sister made it through the evening and still wants to babysit for us again someday. and now, after half and hour's worth of airplane, peek-a-boo, and tickle monster games, all the little ones are asleep. and finally, i get to read a good book, go to bed, and wake up to a new day.

contemplation: is it bad that i have days when i wish that being a mother wasn't my full time job? i know how blessed i am to have such great kids, but is it so bad that i sometimes want to send them to grandma's house so they can "bless" her life too?

i remember

it was early, just after 7 am, when the phone rang that morning. it was my grandma. she is so sweet...and just a little anxiety ridden and eccentric. she told my mom to turn on the television and see what was happening. my mom went for the tv, pushed the power button, and what we saw was a building on fire. i looked over at my mother, and she had tears in her eyes...

i was only 18. looking back, i feel like as a teenager i never really understood the impact that things like this had on me. maybe you could call it selfish thinking; new york is far away, this doesn't affect me...i really remember wondering why this was important to me...why i should be worrying about this. i think that in hindsight, i will just call it juvenile thinking.

...i sat and watched smoke fill the sky above the burning building. i didn't even know what the world trade center was: what went on there, who worked there, etc. all i knew was that i had to get to school. the campus was about 20 minutes from my home and i would soon be late if i didn't get out the door. as i was about to walk away, i heard a voice on the tv commentating about another airplane. i could hear the panic in the voice and turned my eyes to the television just to see the plane smash into the second tower. i was shocked. i watched for another few minutes and then decided to head to school, seemingly unaffected.

once on campus, everyone was talking about what had happened in new york. classes were cancelled for the day, leaving students to talk about it even more. i wandered into the bookstore, just to browse, and saw that they were still reporting about it on the tv that was just overhead. i stood and watched and listened for a half an hour. my legs were tired. so i sat and watched and listened for another hour or so. it wasn't until i decided to get up and go home that i noticed the people surrounding me, sitting on the floor of the byu bookstore, watching the same small tv that i was watching....

like i said, when i was a teenager i didn't understand the effect this would have on the world, the country, or me. but today, i looked back. i relived that memory of sitting on my mother's couch and seeing that second plane explode into that building. i remember the tears in my mom's eyes. i relived that time sitting on the bookstore floor hearing reports about the people trapped inside. and today as an adult i understood how devastating this event was. eight years ago i shrugged it off, but today, as i remembered, i cried a little. the reaction i should have had 8 years ago.

i'll spend the money

i have a confession to make. really it isn't a confession since anyone who really knows me already knows this. but here it is: i am a jean whore. i love me a good pair of nice, expensive, tailored jeans that make my butt look fantastic and make me look skinnier than i really am. i find it well worth it to spend the money just for those two little bits of goodness.

i take a lot of grief (not really grief. maybe you could say it is mockery) from my siblings because i love my jeans. and to them i say just wait! in time i will turn them all into jean loving junkies...i have already hooked one sister, that only leaves 7 more siblings to go!! and for those of you that have never experienced a good pair of seven for all mankind jeans or (my latest purchase!) a lovely pair of hudson brand jeans you should give it a try....

...you try them on, you sigh and think to yourself, is that my bum? it looks so great! you get them tailored (for free mind you) to fit you perfectly and they become your new best friend.

now since i am a bit of cheap-skate, i have to admit that i only spend the money on the jeans. which means all of my shirts and shoes and jewelry and skirts and dresses are all required to be ridiculously low priced. but never the jeans. they last for so long that by the time i need a new pair, i have enough pennies banked to be able to pay for them with no guilt over the high price tag. sooo....

men: get your wife a pair of nice jeans...seven, hudson, big star, etc. she will really love you for it.

women: take your husband with you to try on the jeans. and then make it a point to emphasize the awesomeness of your bottom.

siblings: get off my back about the jeans! y'all know you want a pair. one day you will see that good jeans are worth it!

p.s. i am not only a jean whore. there are plenty of things that are worth it to me to dish out the dollars for. such as toilet paper, sharpie marker fine tip pens, or adam's brand peanut butter. what are your "things" you splurge on?

tuesday's thoughts

thought #1: i have decided that i hate doing laundry. that is why i only do it on mondays. i bust out 10 loads all on that one day, get it folded and placed lovingly into drawers and closets until the following lovely monday. so when we happen to get long weekends and have monday holidays, it ruins my whole week. all day today, as i have been finishing loads of laundry, i have been cursing under my breath at each piece of clothing i fold. i am happy to have holiday weekends to spend with my husband and family, but boo to tuesdays after. really. boo!

thought #2: have you ever tried to steer a shopping cart at ikea. those things have a mind of their own. it is basically a full body workout and if you are trying to go straight in the slightly slanted parking lot. i ended up being dragged diagonally across the lot. on a happy note, if you kid is screaming while sitting in an ikea cart, you can give it a little spin and it makes a full circle without hitting anything or anyone....but it only stops the screaming for a moment.

thought #3: with a new school year starting and fall coming on i really want to be on a schedule. today was a step in the right direction. both of my babies napped at the same time, for a long time. i took advantage and napped myself! here's to hoping this is the start of a new trend as i believe napping should be required for everyoe.

thought #4: i love football season. and i am thrilled that the cougs are ranked as high as they are. but can't we put the season off for another month? i'm not ready to be sans husband for the rest of the year. sigh. go byu. does anyone want to watch my kids so i can go to a game or two? probably not.

hopefully the last

i currently reside in one of "those" types of neighborhoods...you know...the kind where solicitors thrive and the jehovah's witnesses frequent. there are so many houses around that it makes going door to door seem almost easy. i can't tell you how many times i have been asked to buy magazines or cleaning solutions.

anyway, back on topic. my doorbell rings the other day. my door has a window on it so there is no way to peek and see who it is and then decide if you want to answer it. so i open the door. he tells me he is a college student trying to earn some extra money, blah, blah, blah...blah blah blahblah...

"wait" i ask him. "what are you selling?"

he chuckles a little and says, "i know it's a bit cliche but i am selling vinyl lettering that you put on your door or window that says no soliciting."

i responded with a "yes please!", then retrieved a 10 from my wallet while he applied the sticker to my window.

hopefully it works. i always feel guilty telling those guys that i can't buy any of their magazines or educational books. i'm crossing my fingers that next summer will be a guilt free summer and the only knock i get will be from those wanting to share a bible verse with me!!

p.s. this guy also told me congrats for having the cleanest windows in the neighborhood! woot woot for me! but really every house in our neighborhood now sports one of these little lovelies. i hope that he makes enough $$ to pay for something awesome...like school.

you should write that down...

i have heard my mother say this to me a thousand times. something memorable will happen or one of my kids will say something funny, i share the story and this statement always follows: "you should write that down so you don't forget". i almost never take this advice, and i know that is a mistake.

the other day i got an email from a friend of mine asking me a question about my experience with the miscarriage i had just over three years ago. the email read as follows:

Okay personal question :0)

So one of my darling friends out here just miscarried twins at 3 months … and has to go in and have the procedure - - and so I wanted to get some advice from you as to what the best thing for me to do for her is. She doesn’t have any family around here and as much as she keeps saying “im fine” I know she isn’t but I want to be sensitive to how hard it is for her but not say the same things im sure everyone is saying … so any advice?

Thanks chica - -

i sat and thought about how to answer this question for about and hour. i wasted all of my alone time (which is limited these days) thinking about how to respond: what would be the best thing to tell her friend, how to help her understand what her friend was feeling, etc.

i finally just decided to sit down and pour a few of my own thoughts into an email and let her take from the information what she needed and judge for herself what would be best for her friend.

i am sharing this response for no other reason than because i have never written it down. i know that i will never forget about having that miscarriage and i will never forget how i felt about it, but if it's all the same to you, i want to have it just in case.

here is what i wrote back to her...i do realize this email response is a mess of a lot of thoughts, but here it is:

funny you should ask this...i have been thinking about my miscarriage a lot lately. but oh sakes...that really sucks for your friend.

here is how i felt when i miscarried at 13 weeks...maybe she feels different but who knows.

it sucks to miscarry at 3 months because at this point you have told everyone you are preggo and you basically have to un-tell them ALL! i got so sick of people saying, "oh i am so sorry". i always thought to myself, what are they sorry for, they didn't do anything (i even said that to some people!). i hated all the pity i was getting. and i was angry about the WAY my miscarriage happened...so i was mad at my doctor, i was mad at everyone trying to comfort me (cuz i felt like it was a total pity party). i was just mad. and then i got mad at myself...what if i hadn't complained about being pregnant so soon...what if i hadn't missed those 2 weeks of prenatal vitamins...what if i had gone to the doctor when i passed out that day instead of writing it off as nothing...what if i had taken it easier and not played so hard with kaleb...what if this and what if that. i played the blame game for a good week and a half and then i basically just wondered why miscarriage has to happen...cuz it sucks! seriously, my experience was horrifying! i finally stopped dwelling on it - - this too shall pass - - life goes on - -whatever.

ever since grant was born i have been overwhelmed by my litter of small kids. i don't know if your friend is LDS but the more i think about that miscarriage the more i believe that i was meant to have 3 kids at this point in my life...2 of them planned and 1 by accident :0). we planned kaleb...got preggo by accident when he was 11 months old...miscarried. planned lyla, got preggo when she was 7 months old by accident. what i am saying is that if hadn't miscarried that one we would have had those 2 really close and then we'd have planned the third and he'd be here anyway. i had that miscarriage and then life had to catch up.

i do realize that this isn't making any sense. sorry.

what i believe about miscarriage is that you get pregnant. there is a perfect spirit waiting for a perfect body. MY body is imperfect and made a tiny mistake on that fetus somehow...but god wants a perfect body for this perfect spirit (maybe because that imperfect body isn't meant to be that child's earthly trial). so you miscarry the imperfect body so that you can try again. whether that miscarriage was my lyla or my grant, i really believe that the fetus i was growing just wasn't good enough/healthy enough for them, so i got another chance to bake a better one!

like i said maybe your friend feels different that i did, but here's the basic gist of what you might want to say to her, whether in person or in a little card:

dear friend, i can't even imagine how bad this experience sucks for you right now. but just know that i am thinking about you and every day i hope it gets a little better/easier for you and yours. hopefully someday it will make sense why this had to happen, but until then if you ever need a shoulder to cry on...or someone to listen to you vent...or a giant tub of ice cream, just know i am here for you.

i'm not sure any of this helps you out! good luck with your friend.

erin

planned...really?

i was running some errands today and drove past a lovely, new building with the words planned parenthood on the outside. i think that planned parenthood gives great services, i really do.

but i noticed that there is a drive thru. wait, rewind. planned parenthood has a drive thru?

...hi, i'll take 1 morning after pill with a side of 30 days worth f Yaz...what the heck, let's make it a combo and throw in a couple condoms...

it's not mickey dee's people.

i'm not sure but i doubt that very many people go there BEFORE they have sex and ask for that stuff. maybe it should be called "unplanned pregnancy" for all those who go there after, freaking out that they did it unprotected.

...a drive thru. seriously?? seriously.

how to deal

i feel like everytime i watch the news or read anything on the internet i always end up reading about someone who has lost a child or that a child has died by abuse or drowning or some sort of accident. i almost always get a little teary eyed because a) i am still quite emotional post-baby and b) because i think that losing one of my own children would be so devastating.

so here is my question: how do people deal with the loss of a child? especially when the death is unexpected (not that it makes is any easier when it is expected)?

i honestly don't know if i could ever recover if it were one of my children.

so here is my prayer: father in heaven, i am ready to have trials and to learn from them, but please review my list of earthly trials and if one of them is "deal with the loss of a child", please cross it off. i don't want to do it. please.

amen.

hound dog

i put the kids in bed and then went back downstairs to exercise. when i was done i headed back up to go to bed myself. i get to the top of the stairs and i smell something out of the ordinary. all the kids' bedroom doors are closed. i take another whiff...yep, unmistakable. i go into the bedroom and tell corey that i might need some help cleaning up barf in lyla's room.

"how do you know she barfed?" he asks.

i tell him "cause i can smell it."

"she didn't cry or anything...and how can you smell it? her door is closed."

"i'm not sure how i can smell it but i can."

sure enough, we sneak in there in the dark and find a nice puddle of barf. gross.

i think my husband is wondering if i am still pregnant to be able to sniff that out. i am kind of wondering the same thing. when does my impeccable sense of smell disappear, cause i can still smell evah-ree-thang! i'm getting a little tired of it. i feel like a mama hound dog.

even after 3 kids

so we are all outside playing. i hand the camera to corey and tell him to take some pictures. i hear him clicking away. i turn around to see the camera pointed at my rear. see you have to know my hubby... he does this all the time. takes silly {inappropriate} pictures, laughs about it, threatens not to delete it and then he always deletes them. it's like saying i love you in a teasing silly way.

so i download the pictures and i am looking through them. and there it is, still there, not deleted:

i show him the picture and ask why he didn't delete it. he says, "what, i like your bum. it's nice."

as i stood there with my mouth open i realized that this is one thing i really love about my corey. even though he says it in funny ways, he always let me know that even after having three kids he still thinks i'm sexy.

i say just you wait! i am working out now and soon my muffin top that hangs over my jeans will disappear (please!)....but i'm not sure i will ever be able to rid my stomach of the grandma flab that lingers and gets worse after each baby. oh well, at least i know he loves me with the muffin top and grandma flab.

i love you too corey. maybe i'll take a picture of your bum and post it on here so that you will know just how much.

one workout later

day 2, week 1 of exercise program completed.

report: it still sucks.

out with the old

i am feeling like an old lady lately. maybe it is because i am not old enough to have 3 kids. and by being a mother of 3 i feel older than my ripe age of 26. or maybe it is those sweety wrinkles that have formed around my eyes. or maybe it is because of the 17 year old boy in our ward who, when asked how old he thought the hubby and i were, said that i must be about 35 so corey would have to be in his late 30's.

i about vomited when i heard that.

wtf! i am not even 10 years older than this kid! and i swear i don't look 35! i wanted to tackle him or maybe kick him in the shins. doesn't he know that you always guess WAY younger than you think. i guess i set myself up by even asking the question. lesson learned...whatever.

to make matters worse, while sitting in the doctors office, i picked up a questionnaire: how to choose the right birth control for you. i think to myself, that is definitely something i need, as i start to answer the questions in my head. the final question: what is your age (please check one). the options are 18-25, 26-34....i got that far and realized that i can no longer check the 18-25 box.

i again thought about barfing.

i'm not the type to care about my age. it's just a number and i feel much younger than even 26. so tell me, how do i stop looking like 35? and is it okay if, just for my sanity's sake, i lie and keep checking that 18-25 box? and is it wrong to egg that kid's house for saying such a terrible thing?

as i answer these questions i am going to try very hard to keep my face expressionless, so as to not add any new wrinkles to my eyes and forehead...and to keep the need for botox at bay.

out of the closet

post pregnancy results...my butt is huge!

well, at least that is what i am hearing from my favorite pair of jeans that call out to me daily from my closet. they say, "erin, you have too much junk in your trunk. get your lazy self onto the treadmill so that we can see the sunlight again. someday. hopefully soon."

those poor jeans. i try them on weekly and i can hear them squealing in pain as i try desperately to get the button even semi close to the button hole.

well, i have had enough. i am tired of wearing flowy gaucho pants, shorts that are 97% spandex, 3% denim and pajama pants (sad, i know.). today i googled 5k training program and i clicked on the link that looked the best. it sent me HERE and i think this will be easy. right?!?

okay. babies are sleeping. the boy and i head downstairs to where we keep the dreaded treadmill. i begin with the training for day 1, week 1. it seriously only took me 5 minutes before my butt started itching. does this happen to everybody? the cookies that live there, i'm sure, are the reason my butt was itchy. they're comfortable and they don't want to leave. so they try to make me uncomfortable to thwart my desire to exercise. dang cookies.

...aahhhhh. to make this long story short the whole thing was a miserable experience. i can't decide what's worse: the itchy butt or my giant, milk-filled boobs hitting me in the chin (i swear!) between every stride.

i have come to a conclusion. strangely enough it is the same conclusion i find each time i get the drive to exercise...

i hate running. and walking. and just exercise in general. it sucks, but...

they really are my favorite jeans. and they deserve a little love in return for all the times they have made my butt (in its smaller days) look smokin' hot.

so, treadmill, we shall meet again. and soon.

a day in the life

we've been out all morning day. playing with cousins, chatting, eating. mostly just thoroughly exhausting myself and my kids. i make the 20 minute drive home. it was one of those drives where you get in the car and drive away and the next thing you know you are at home, wondering how in the world you got there safely. we pull into the garage and then the chaos starts...

get all the bags out of the car. get the baby out of the car. set him in a quiet spot in the house. back to the car. let the boy out. tell him to go in the house. grab the wet towels from the car (swimming). throw them in the door. back to the car. grab the sleeping toddler. carry her to the crib. back down the stairs. stop at the bathroom to pee. wash hands (of course). grab a drink for the boy. move the baby who is now crying. turn on tv for the boy. turn off tv. go outside. turn on sprinkler for the boy. lay out towel for the boy. shove a binkie into screaming baby's mouth. get diapers and wipes to change baby. stand up. notice that my pants just fell down....

...what???

of course for about half a second i heard the hallelujah chorus in my head as i thought those pesky 9 lbs of lingering baby weight had miraculously just melted away and that my pants fell down cause they were just to dang big. {smile}

but that wasn't the case. when, in the course of all the happenings at my house, did my pants even get unbuttoned? i review in my mind and then realize i did stop to pee during all that chaos. then i remember i went outside with my unbuttoned pants, my shirt that is up around my belly button and my holy underpants in full view to the world!

having three kids is making me lose my mind. in the course of doing everything for these 3 little ones, i seem to forget about myself and the stuff i need to do for me.

you were totally right mom!! having kids really is like being pecked to death by a duck. they peck and peck and peck until...well until you forget to button your pants after you pee.

but, i guess if i had to choose between being pecked to death by ducks or not having kids, i would choose the kids. they make my life...{thinking...thinking...thinking} hectic and tiring and exhausting and.....interesting.

now if only i could find a way to do all the stuff that needs to be done (for then and me!) AND remember to button my shorts after each potty stop then i would be golden!!

i think i am going to sit and ponder on the solution (for a minute) and give these beauties a little r&r. don't they look tired?? they really are.