i remember

it was early, just after 7 am, when the phone rang that morning. it was my grandma. she is so sweet...and just a little anxiety ridden and eccentric. she told my mom to turn on the television and see what was happening. my mom went for the tv, pushed the power button, and what we saw was a building on fire. i looked over at my mother, and she had tears in her eyes...

i was only 18. looking back, i feel like as a teenager i never really understood the impact that things like this had on me. maybe you could call it selfish thinking; new york is far away, this doesn't affect me...i really remember wondering why this was important to me...why i should be worrying about this. i think that in hindsight, i will just call it juvenile thinking.

...i sat and watched smoke fill the sky above the burning building. i didn't even know what the world trade center was: what went on there, who worked there, etc. all i knew was that i had to get to school. the campus was about 20 minutes from my home and i would soon be late if i didn't get out the door. as i was about to walk away, i heard a voice on the tv commentating about another airplane. i could hear the panic in the voice and turned my eyes to the television just to see the plane smash into the second tower. i was shocked. i watched for another few minutes and then decided to head to school, seemingly unaffected.

once on campus, everyone was talking about what had happened in new york. classes were cancelled for the day, leaving students to talk about it even more. i wandered into the bookstore, just to browse, and saw that they were still reporting about it on the tv that was just overhead. i stood and watched and listened for a half an hour. my legs were tired. so i sat and watched and listened for another hour or so. it wasn't until i decided to get up and go home that i noticed the people surrounding me, sitting on the floor of the byu bookstore, watching the same small tv that i was watching....

like i said, when i was a teenager i didn't understand the effect this would have on the world, the country, or me. but today, i looked back. i relived that memory of sitting on my mother's couch and seeing that second plane explode into that building. i remember the tears in my mom's eyes. i relived that time sitting on the bookstore floor hearing reports about the people trapped inside. and today as an adult i understood how devastating this event was. eight years ago i shrugged it off, but today, as i remembered, i cried a little. the reaction i should have had 8 years ago.