gimme a break

before i start i have to say that i love my kids a whole lot. i mean, a whole lot. they make me smile every day and i am glad they are mine. okay...

i can't even tell you how often i read blogs about how perfect peoples' lives are. how they love life more and more each day and then on days that they don't love life they say they wouldn't have it any other way.

today never had a chance. it always ruins my saturday to find out that my husband has to work. today i played with kids, cleaned house, picked up toys (multiple times), read kids books, watched kids shows, made snacks and lunches and fed babies (multiple times, multiple babies), stopped kids from fighting, changed a gazillion diapers, etc. etc. etc. this is the spot in the blog where i am supposed to say, even though today was a hard day, i wouldn't have it any other way.

today was not that day for me. there were plenty of "other ways" i would have preferred to spend the day....like reading a good book, or shopping for clothes or fabric or nothing at all, or having my hubby here to tag team the kids with me, or taking a nap {aahhhhh, naps!}...today i just needed a break.

lucky for me that break came in the form of a football game. my sister came over to babysit and corey and i got to go to the byu game. i sat numb through most of the game: just happy that nobody was sitting on top of me, and that no one was crying in my ear, or that no one needed me to hold them and bounce all. the. time. at one point i even said to corey, "hey, when did the other team score again? i didn't even notice." i kept wondering if those sitting around me would think ill of me if i just slouched down in my seat and fell asleep for a quarter or so.

it was a good break. i felt a little rejuvenated when i got home. happy to see my kids and happy to see that my little sister made it through the evening and still wants to babysit for us again someday. and now, after half and hour's worth of airplane, peek-a-boo, and tickle monster games, all the little ones are asleep. and finally, i get to read a good book, go to bed, and wake up to a new day.

contemplation: is it bad that i have days when i wish that being a mother wasn't my full time job? i know how blessed i am to have such great kids, but is it so bad that i sometimes want to send them to grandma's house so they can "bless" her life too?

i remember

it was early, just after 7 am, when the phone rang that morning. it was my grandma. she is so sweet...and just a little anxiety ridden and eccentric. she told my mom to turn on the television and see what was happening. my mom went for the tv, pushed the power button, and what we saw was a building on fire. i looked over at my mother, and she had tears in her eyes...

i was only 18. looking back, i feel like as a teenager i never really understood the impact that things like this had on me. maybe you could call it selfish thinking; new york is far away, this doesn't affect me...i really remember wondering why this was important to me...why i should be worrying about this. i think that in hindsight, i will just call it juvenile thinking.

...i sat and watched smoke fill the sky above the burning building. i didn't even know what the world trade center was: what went on there, who worked there, etc. all i knew was that i had to get to school. the campus was about 20 minutes from my home and i would soon be late if i didn't get out the door. as i was about to walk away, i heard a voice on the tv commentating about another airplane. i could hear the panic in the voice and turned my eyes to the television just to see the plane smash into the second tower. i was shocked. i watched for another few minutes and then decided to head to school, seemingly unaffected.

once on campus, everyone was talking about what had happened in new york. classes were cancelled for the day, leaving students to talk about it even more. i wandered into the bookstore, just to browse, and saw that they were still reporting about it on the tv that was just overhead. i stood and watched and listened for a half an hour. my legs were tired. so i sat and watched and listened for another hour or so. it wasn't until i decided to get up and go home that i noticed the people surrounding me, sitting on the floor of the byu bookstore, watching the same small tv that i was watching....

like i said, when i was a teenager i didn't understand the effect this would have on the world, the country, or me. but today, i looked back. i relived that memory of sitting on my mother's couch and seeing that second plane explode into that building. i remember the tears in my mom's eyes. i relived that time sitting on the bookstore floor hearing reports about the people trapped inside. and today as an adult i understood how devastating this event was. eight years ago i shrugged it off, but today, as i remembered, i cried a little. the reaction i should have had 8 years ago.

i'll spend the money

i have a confession to make. really it isn't a confession since anyone who really knows me already knows this. but here it is: i am a jean whore. i love me a good pair of nice, expensive, tailored jeans that make my butt look fantastic and make me look skinnier than i really am. i find it well worth it to spend the money just for those two little bits of goodness.

i take a lot of grief (not really grief. maybe you could say it is mockery) from my siblings because i love my jeans. and to them i say just wait! in time i will turn them all into jean loving junkies...i have already hooked one sister, that only leaves 7 more siblings to go!! and for those of you that have never experienced a good pair of seven for all mankind jeans or (my latest purchase!) a lovely pair of hudson brand jeans you should give it a try....

...you try them on, you sigh and think to yourself, is that my bum? it looks so great! you get them tailored (for free mind you) to fit you perfectly and they become your new best friend.

now since i am a bit of cheap-skate, i have to admit that i only spend the money on the jeans. which means all of my shirts and shoes and jewelry and skirts and dresses are all required to be ridiculously low priced. but never the jeans. they last for so long that by the time i need a new pair, i have enough pennies banked to be able to pay for them with no guilt over the high price tag. sooo....

men: get your wife a pair of nice jeans...seven, hudson, big star, etc. she will really love you for it.

women: take your husband with you to try on the jeans. and then make it a point to emphasize the awesomeness of your bottom.

siblings: get off my back about the jeans! y'all know you want a pair. one day you will see that good jeans are worth it!

p.s. i am not only a jean whore. there are plenty of things that are worth it to me to dish out the dollars for. such as toilet paper, sharpie marker fine tip pens, or adam's brand peanut butter. what are your "things" you splurge on?

tuesday's thoughts

thought #1: i have decided that i hate doing laundry. that is why i only do it on mondays. i bust out 10 loads all on that one day, get it folded and placed lovingly into drawers and closets until the following lovely monday. so when we happen to get long weekends and have monday holidays, it ruins my whole week. all day today, as i have been finishing loads of laundry, i have been cursing under my breath at each piece of clothing i fold. i am happy to have holiday weekends to spend with my husband and family, but boo to tuesdays after. really. boo!

thought #2: have you ever tried to steer a shopping cart at ikea. those things have a mind of their own. it is basically a full body workout and if you are trying to go straight in the slightly slanted parking lot. i ended up being dragged diagonally across the lot. on a happy note, if you kid is screaming while sitting in an ikea cart, you can give it a little spin and it makes a full circle without hitting anything or anyone....but it only stops the screaming for a moment.

thought #3: with a new school year starting and fall coming on i really want to be on a schedule. today was a step in the right direction. both of my babies napped at the same time, for a long time. i took advantage and napped myself! here's to hoping this is the start of a new trend as i believe napping should be required for everyoe.

thought #4: i love football season. and i am thrilled that the cougs are ranked as high as they are. but can't we put the season off for another month? i'm not ready to be sans husband for the rest of the year. sigh. go byu. does anyone want to watch my kids so i can go to a game or two? probably not.

hopefully the last

i currently reside in one of "those" types of neighborhoods...you know...the kind where solicitors thrive and the jehovah's witnesses frequent. there are so many houses around that it makes going door to door seem almost easy. i can't tell you how many times i have been asked to buy magazines or cleaning solutions.

anyway, back on topic. my doorbell rings the other day. my door has a window on it so there is no way to peek and see who it is and then decide if you want to answer it. so i open the door. he tells me he is a college student trying to earn some extra money, blah, blah, blah...blah blah blahblah...

"wait" i ask him. "what are you selling?"

he chuckles a little and says, "i know it's a bit cliche but i am selling vinyl lettering that you put on your door or window that says no soliciting."

i responded with a "yes please!", then retrieved a 10 from my wallet while he applied the sticker to my window.

hopefully it works. i always feel guilty telling those guys that i can't buy any of their magazines or educational books. i'm crossing my fingers that next summer will be a guilt free summer and the only knock i get will be from those wanting to share a bible verse with me!!

p.s. this guy also told me congrats for having the cleanest windows in the neighborhood! woot woot for me! but really every house in our neighborhood now sports one of these little lovelies. i hope that he makes enough $$ to pay for something awesome...like school.